It's been a while since I spent any time around these parts, and I really missed it. 2012 was the year when I finally started posting my work, and even started a webcomic, along with quite a few false starts.
And therein lie all my problems this year: lots of false starts. Wether by my fault or others, this was a horrible year for me. as proud of BrainMatter as I am, everything else this year felt like it fell apart in my hands, all opportunities turning to crap.
There's been quite a bit of bile building up inside me, these past few months, and it showed. I was feeling frustrated and powerless, and it looked to me like the world enjoyed taking me down. Paranoid depression and all that other stuff, people would say, but that's how I felt, and nothing I did seemed to address it.
It didn't matter if I was working on my day job or drawing, nothing I did was reflective of the anger I felt, making matters constantly worse. I didn't feel anything I was doing felt worthwhile, and my life kept spinning out of control. People disappointed, and relationships ruined, it was becoming clear to me I was the epicenter of my problems.
And I still couldn't bring anything I felt was truly reflective of me and my current situation to the table.
And then, one of my old ideas popped back up in my mind. Warped almost beyond recognition by the last few months, it felt more aggressive, faster, more muscular and more poisonous than anything I could think of. 21st Century Psychos, it called itself. All my inobjective frustrations, all of my anger at the world was clearly in its veins.
Making it hasn't been easy, though. Rewarding, most definitely, but not easy. It took me a month to write a chapter, after I thought I hade the whole thing mapped out. Took me much longer to find the visuals. But by God I finally started drawing it and it felt amazing. It's not easy, and it fights me at every step of the way, but it's damn fun and cathartic.
During the next week I'll be taking it to Kickstarter with hope that I'll manage to raise the money to finish and publish the thing. In the meanwhile, you'll be treated to some previews and such. Hopefully, you'll like it enough to support it and tell your friends about it.
Listening to: Gorillaz DoYaThing